


its against my programming to impersonate a deity

by catbeans



Series: luke*leia swap au [6]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: M/M, twinswap AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 22:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbeans/pseuds/catbeans
Summary: Luke winced at a prod at his side, a groan more from the pounding in his head than from that; another prod, a little snuffly noise, and Luke stiffly sat up to see a short, furry thing with a spear that reached most of his height, his eyes narrowing for a second before he looked down at himself and around.He had lost Leia.All the trees looked the same.





	its against my programming to impersonate a deity

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know how to do these in order!!!!!!!!!! luke meets wicket

Luke winced at a prod at his side, a groan more from the pounding in his head than from that; another prod, a little snuffly noise, and Luke stiffly sat up to see a short, furry thing with a spear that reached most of his height, his eyes narrowing for a second before he looked down at himself and around.

He had lost Leia.

All the trees looked the same.

There was another little noise, the small creature circling around him with the spear poking uncomfortably close to him again.

“Can you stop that?” Luke stood up and nudged the spear away with his arm before taking a step back, the little creature taking three. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Luke looked around again, only that time seeing the stolen speeder bike bent and busted between a couple thick trees; his shoulders sagged before he slumped onto a fallen log.

The little creature still hadn’t moved, the spear still held towards him.

Luke folded his hands in his lap. “Could you help me?”

The little thing grunted at him.

Luke turned his head just a little to pat the log next to him, wincing at the throb in his neck; he was still in one piece, it felt like, nothing serious, but that wouldn’t be much help if he still couldn’t figure out where to go.

“Do you want something to eat?”

He didn’t know for sure that anything was still in his pocket until he reached in, a snack packet he had forgotten about from hours earlier; he held out a cracker, but all it got was the spear held a little closer to him until he took a bite and tried again with a fresh one.

The little thing chattered at him, sounding dubious even though he couldn’t make any more out than that. He kept his hand out, and the little thing only came closer to sniff at it once his arm was too far stretched to be able to do anything else.

The spear lowered, and the little thing took the cracker and sat down next to him.

“Sorry I don’t have anything better,” he said, putting the bag between them to take off his helmet, but the bag fell to the ground when the little thing jumped off again. “It’s just a helmet.”

More chattering.

Luke nodded towards the little thing’s hat before putting the helmet down at his side. “It’s just like that.”

The little thing nudged the helmet with the butt of the spear before moving to sit down again with a little more chattering, but he didn’t get very far before his ears perked up around his hat, the chattering louder as he stabbed the spear out in front of himself.

“What—?”

Luke barely had time to topple from the log before it  _ burst _ by his side with a beam and a spattering of wood chips; he scrambled for his blaster, stiff to keep behind the log, but even after a second shot towards them, Luke couldn’t see where to shoot back to.

He held his breath, listened, about to look over the log again before a twig snapped.

His heart thudded.

The Imperial scout’s blaster was only a few inches from his head.

“Come on, get up.”

Luke’s blaster was taken from him before he could get fully upright; he only looked out of the corner of his eyes, careful, but he couldn’t see the little creature even after a second scout came out from behind the trees and branches.

“Go get your ride and take him back to base,” the first said, the crackling from inside his helmet covering the  _ swish _ of leaves around their legs; Luke kept his breathing steady.

“Yes, sir.”

The second scout hadn’t reached the speeder before the little thing jabbed his spear at the first scout’s leg. He jumped, shouted, the startle just enough time for Luke to grab a branch that had broken with the log before swinging it at the back of the scout’s neck.

The second scout turned; Luke grabbed his blaster back from the first with two misses as the scout got onto the speeder, but it only took a third shot before he hit the back of it, the speeder veering to the side with a smoking engine only a few meters until crashing through the trees and to the ground.

Luke didn’t lower the blaster until his heart had slowed down with no movement from either downed scout, the birds and bugs chirping starting up again.

He took a deep breath and finally holstered his blaster.

The little thing with the spear popped up from the thick undergrowth, darting back down as soon as he had jabbed the scout; his paws flurried around his face, gesturing between Luke and the scouts with a soft, surprised mumble.

“We should get out of here,” Luke said. “Do you—?”

The little thing grabbed his hand with a high-pitched chatter and started pulling him along before he could ask for any directions.

 

“Luke!” Han shouted with his hands cupped around his mouth, his only answer in Leia’s echoed shout and Chewie yowling as they tramped through the grass and vines tangling over the ground.  _ “Luke!” _

Leia swiped her gloved hand over her forehead before she took a deep breath and turned around; the ground sloped a little to her right, more to see, maybe, but she didn’t get very far up the incline before she tripped with a metallic  _ clank _ and had to catch herself against a log.

A chill spiked through the damp heat sticking to her clothes when she looked down.

“Han.”

He had only barely turned around to face her before he went stiff, his eyes stuck on the helmet in her hand.

She straightened up and climbed the last few feet to the top.

“There’s a wrecked speeder over—”

“We already—”

“Not his,” Leia said as she started back down, gesturing over the other side of the slope. “There’s a suit, but it’s not moving.”

“You think he did that?”

“I’m afraid that Artoo’s sensors can find no trace of Prince Luke,” Threepio said, looking anxiously between Artoo and the rest of them.

Han’s jaw tightened. “He’d better be alright.”

Chewie growled, first in agreement, but then something else, his nose twitching as he turned around a couple times before shoving through the thick plants.

“Hey, what—Chewie?” Han shouted as he started scrambling after him. “What is it?”

Artoo whistled behind them as Leia started to follow until she came to a break in the undergrowth; Han was still a few feet back from where Chewie was looking over a stake in the ground with something fresh and dead hanging from it.

“I don’t know,” Han said. “Probably just someone’s dinner.”

“That’s not—”

Chewie grunted with a small shrug and reached up.

“Chewie,” Leia shouted, “that’s not a—!”

It cut off with a shout as her legs were pulled out from under her, Han’s elbow jabbing her side as they were tangled and  _ yanked _ into the air.

“Nice work,” Han snapped, sputtering out a mouthful of Wookie fur from the back of Chewie’s head. “Great, Chewie, this is  _ great, _ always gotta—”

“Save it,” Leia snapped back. “That’s not helping anything.”

Han grumbled at her as she tried to shift to reach her hip, but there was nowhere to move, her fingers barely catching the handle before she huffed.

“Han,” she said, “can you reach my lightsaber?”

Another huff back. “Think so.”

There was a  _ whir _ from Artoo starting to cut below her, a faint buzzing above as Han started sawing through the ropes closer to him, but it sent the net spinning more than anything else.

“Artoo, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” Threepio said. “It’s a  _ very _ long—”

Metal and limbs crashed together with the ground.

Leia groaned, Han and Chewie, too, squeezing her eyes shut for a second as she felt for anything broken or twisted before stiffly sitting up to dozens of Ewoks and spears.

One was a little too close for Han.

“Point that thing somewhere else,” he snapped, swatting the spear away; a second one came towards him, another spear that he tried to grab in one hand as he reached for his blaster. “Hey—”

“Han,  _ stop.” _

A few of the Ewoks lowered their spears to take their weapons, Han only giving up his blaster when Leia swatted his arm and handed over her lightsaber. Chewie growled the whole time, more when Leia told him to give them his crossbow.

“Oh, my goodness,” Threepio said, still only just untangling himself and Artoo from the net; as soon as he sat up, the Ewoks hushed, a few seconds before they all started chattering at each other and waving wildly towards Threepio as a chant started up between them.

“What the hell…” Han muttered.

“Threepio,” Leia said, “do you know what they’re saying?”

“Oh, yes, Master Leia,” he said. “Remember that I am fluent in over six million forms of communication.”

He turned from her before responding, a little stilted, but the chattering got louder.

“Hey,” Han said. “What are you telling them?”

“Hello, I think, but I could be mistaken, they’re using a very primitive dialect, but…” Threepio paused for a second. “I do believe they think I am some sort of god.”

Chewie snorted, Artoo beeping back at him; Leia raised an eyebrow and looked over to Han, his eyes narrowed and his mouth open a little on an almost silent,  _ “What…” _

“Threepio—”

“Well,” Han said, his nose wrinkling as he shifted a few inches back from a spear, “why don’t you use your  _ divine _ influence and get us out of this?”

“I beg your pardon, General Solo, but that just wouldn’t be proper.”

_ “Proper—” _

“It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.”

Han grunted and started scrambling upright towards Threepio. “I swear, you—”

He cut off and froze when a circle of spears jabbed out towards him.

“My mistake,” he said slowly, backing up again with his hands held up in front of him. “I know him, okay?”

His attempt at placating still didn’t keep the Ewoks from carrying him and Leia and Chewie away tied to poles, Artoo once they managed the ropes, too; Threepio didn’t seem to have any qualms impersonating someone who got to be carried on what almost looked like a throne.

They couldn’t see much, their backs to the ground, but Leia felt the shift and the wind picking up as they were taken over a narrow wooden walkway. She craned her neck to look over the sharp drop, and then wished she hadn’t.

She only looked again when the footsteps went dirt-muffled again instead of over the wood; it looked like a village  _ in _ the trees, little houses built around bows and branches, more of the walkways, more Ewoks darting inside above them before they eventually stopped.

Leia and Chewie’s poles were propped up while Han’s was lifted onto what looked like a spit, Threepio’s chair placed gently ahead of them before one of the Ewoks started to speak to him.

“I’ve got a really bad feeling about this,” Han muttered, Chewie answering with an unoptomistic growl, and then to Threepio, “What did he say?”

“I’m rather embarrassed, General Solo,” Threepio said, “but it appears you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.”

_ “What?” _

His voice was almost completely covered by drums starting to pound all around them; another Ewok came out from one of the huts, but not alone, and Leia’s pole almost fell over when she and Han shouted, “Luke!”

He wasn’t wearing his own clothes, a loose shirt and pants that looked like they were made from animal skins; Luke went stiff, only for a second before he rushed towards them, but he was blocked by spears crossing just in front of him.

“I know them, you have to stop!” he said, but the spears didn’t move. “Threepio, what—tell them to let them go!”

Threepio tried, but two Ewoks at his side shook their heads to each other before to him; the Ewok who had come out ahead of Luke gestured between Han and Leia and Chewie, giving an order they didn’t understand until a couple others started piling more wood under Han.

“Yeah, somehow,” Han said, squirming uneffectively to try to get himself more space from the pile, “I got the feeling that didn’t help us much.”

“Threepio,” Leia said, the strain clear in her voice, “tell them if they don’t do what you say, you’ll have to use your powers against them.”

“Master Leia, what magic—I couldn’t possibly—”

“Just tell them!”

Threepio looked nervously from her to the Ewoks before he tried again; one stepped closer, defiant, but Han was the only one watching the exchange; Threepio had said what Leia needed him to.

She took a deep breath, focusing through the chatter around her and the  _ hurry, _ the wood already crackling under Han.

“Master Leia, they didn’t believe me—”

She blocked that out, too, only one more deep breath before the chair lifted.

“—as I said they—what—what’s happening?! Oh, dear, oh—”

The chair turned, slow before it gradually sped up in time with Threepio’s panicking.

“Put me down! Master Leia, Artoo, do something—”

She didn’t until the Ewoks did; they rushed back to her and Han and Chewie, hurriedly lifting Han from the spit and untying all of them before Leia let the chair sink to the ground again.

Leia looked over at Han, rubbing his wrists before he nodded at her with a glare towards one of the Ewoks closest to him; she checked with Chewie, too, before, “Thanks, Threepio.”

“I…” he said, still shaken, distractedly responding to the Ewoks around him. “I never knew I had it in me.”

Han’s jaw clenched again, but Leia shook her head at him before he could open his mouth; Luke finally made his way through the crowd of Ewoks still surrounding him, already a little breathless from his rush to get to them.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but Han didn’t let him finish, “I don’t know what—”

“What happened to you?”

“We got separated,” Luke said, gesturing to Leia. “I—are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she said, “what happened?”

“One of them…” Luke looked around for a second. “One of them found me, he helped me with the scouts and brought me here, what happened to  _ you?” _

“We were trying to  _ find _ you,” Han said, but the irritation in his tone fell flat, too close to concern; his hand shifted a little closer to Luke before he pulled it back again, looking to Chewie. “And then  _ somebody—” _

He was interrupted by one of the Ewoks taking Luke’s hand to pull him along back to one of the larger huts.

Leia and Han and Chewie followed, careful over another rickety walkway and into the hut Luke had been pulled to; there was barely room to move, all of them scooting between each other and more Ewoks until they managed to sit down, Luke squished between Han and Leia with Chewie at Leia’s other side as Threepio started to talk.

They realized what he was saying, a little, when he started on the sound effects, wide gestures and  _ whooshing _ explosions and a few names that wouldn’t translate; there was Luke, Vader and the Death Star, but it wasn’t where Luke had his attention.

They were stuck so close together he barely had to move for the backs of his fingers to brush up against Han’s knee, a whispered, “You’re alright?”

“Could’ve done without being dinner,” Han muttered, but he looked down, nudging his shoulder against Luke’s. “I’m alright.”

Artoo beeped.

“Yes, Artoo, I was just coming to that,” Threepio said.

The backs of Han’s fingers bumped Luke’s hip, leaning in a little more to whisper, “You alright?”

“I wasn’t the one about to be cooked.”

The corner of Han’s mouth twitched in a smile he didn’t let out the rest of the way; his hand shifted again from Luke’s hip, to Luke’s hand still by his knee, their fingers loose together.

Luke caught another couple recognizable names before Threepio finished, a few of the Ewoks speaking hushed together before one of them stood and spoke to the rest; the drums started again, a cheer from all of them that made Han’s fingers twitch against Luke’s. 

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Luke said; he was about to ask Leia, but her expression shifted from a little bemused to a cold, steely almost-blank that made the words stick in his mouth.

“Wonderful!” Threepio said, no notice of Leia. “We are now part of the tribe.”

As soon as he said it, a rush of Ewoks came up around them, hugging Han and Luke’s legs while Leia carefully untangled herself from the group.

“Just what I always wanted,” Han mumbled, his eyes widening for a second when the same Ewok that had found Luke came up to hug his leg, too. “Okay, uh, thank you.”

“They say the scouts are going to show us the quickest way to the shield generator,” Threepio said.

“Good, how far is it?” Han asked. “We need some fresh supplies, too. And our weapons back.”

Luke looked up from the Ewok at Han’s leg, but he didn’t see Leia, not until the stark black of her shirt against the faint light from outside as she opened the door.

Han was still too preoccupied with getting his blaster and Chewie’s crossbow back to notice Luke follow her.

He didn’t catch up until after she had stopped on an empty walkway, a tension to her jaw and her shoulders as she looked over the edge, her eyes focused on nothing in particular; there was only a faint shift of her head to show Luke that she heard him coming before the walkway wobbled slightly as he came up to her.

“What’s wrong?”

Leia’s shoulders shifted on a slow breath.

She didn’t look just at him yet when she asked, “Do you remember your mother?”

**Author's Note:**

> @hansolosbi on tumblr! (ideas for more in this au would be great especially with more leia i love writing her in this)


End file.
